In the last couple of years I’ve been wanting to understand and do better at my roles as a Wife, Mother and Homemaker. I started praying for God to help me to know how to become a better Wife to my Husband and Mother to my children.
I like pinning quotes on my pinterest account about being a Godly Wife and Mother and have a whole pinterest board full of quotes, but I found that the quotes that I was pinning the most were from a woman whose account was called “The Transformed Wife.” I had been pinning her quotes for quite some time when my Husband told me about an X account (twitter) that he’d come across. He really liked the things she was saying about marriage and what it means to be a Godly Wife. What was her X account name you may ask? “The Transformed Wife.” My Husband and I had each stumbled upon the same person’s quotes on completely different social media accounts.
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My Husband told me about a book she talked about on X about how to be a Godly Wife. Immediately I wanted to read it! I looked up the book “Created to be his Help Meet” By Debi Pearl and put the book into my Amazon cart. My Husband also looked up the book and author. We were surprised to find that there was a lot of backlash about another book written by the author and her Husband. The other book was called “To train up a child.” I read excerpts from that book and I completely disagree with their methods and understanding of how God wants us to train our children to be obedient. After reading about the other book I almost didn’t purchase “Created to be his Help Meet,” but I felt moved by the spirit to get it anyway. I remembered that not one of us perfectly understands God’s ways, and we all make mistakes, but as we are all striving to learn and understand, God can definitely teach us through each other’s experiences. I believed there was information in this book that I needed to know and I was super excited to start reading it.
I decided the best time for me to read it was at the kitchen table while my boys were doing their Homeschool worksheets. As with reading anything that isn’t the word of God, I read it with a prayer and the understanding that not everything I will be reading will be true or correct. Every day I would sit down with my purple pencil and devour what I was reading. I was underlining everything that stood out to me. There were some parts that I didn’t agree with, but I will be forever grateful that I read this book. The things I have learned are indispensable and I hope that every married Christian woman will read this book with the assistance of the Holy Spirit to teach her what God wants her to know.
Here are a some of the things the book goes over and some excerpts from the book.
We are Gods gift to our Husbands
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (Gen. 2:18). And then god “brought her unto the man” (Gen. 2:22). Later, he tells us, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). Do you see? God says it is not good for a man to be alone, and the answer to his need is a wife–called “a good thing.” Furthermore, a man obtains God’s favor by getting a wife. If you are a wife, you were created to fill a need, and in that capacity you are a “good thing,” a helper suited to the needs of a man. This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing. You are, by nature, equipped in every way to be your man’s helper. You are inferior to none as long as you function within your created nature, for no man can do your job, and no man is complete without his wife. You were created to make him complete, not to seek personal fulfillment parallel to him. A woman trying to function like a man is as ridiculous as a man trying to be like a woman.”
Page 21
“When you are a help meet to your husband, you are a helper to Christ, for God commissioned man for a purpose and gave him a woman to assist in fulfilling that divine calling. When you honor your husband, you honor God. When you obey your husband, you obey God. The degree to which you reverence your husband is the degree to which you reverence your Creator. As we serve our husbands, we serve God. But in the same way, when you dishonor your husband, you dishonor God.”
Page 22
Our Divine calling from God and why we are not to covet our Husband’s role of leadership
“The role of being a perfectly fit helper does not make one inferior to the leader. In our office there is an entire staff of workers. Every person in the office spells better that I do: most know the computer better, and they certainly know finances better, Yet, when I walk into the office, I can tell any one of them what to do and how I want it done, and they all are glad to do my bidding-including the men. My place of authority does not mean I am better, it only means that they are there to help me do my job- better! Men are created to be helpers of God. Jesus willingly became a helper to the Father. The Holy Spirit became a helper to the Son. Society is structured so that men and women must submit to authorities like government, employers, police, and the Internal Revenue Service, child protection agencies, the courts, etc. There is no loss of dignity in subordination when it serves a higher purpose. God made you to be a help meet to your husband so you can bolster him, making him more productive and efficient at whatever he chooses to do. You are not on the board of directors with an equal vote. You have no authority to set the agenda. But if he can trust you, he will make you his closest advisor, his confidante, his press secretary, his head of state, his vice-president, his ambassador, his public relations expert, maybe even his speech writer-all at his discretion.”
Page 23
What it means to have a Merry Heart & Thankful spirit
“A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken” (Proverbs 15:13) Being pitiful, hurt, discouraged, and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men, in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him and manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react with anger. The other side of the bad coin includes having a bitter, angry and resentful spirit. Toss that old, destructive coin out the door before it buys you a divorce. God’s will is for a wife to have a merry heart, a cheerful countenance and a glow that will refresh the most stressed and tired husband on the planet. Bubbling cheer goes a long way to maintain or even restore a marriage. Make a decision right now to break the “poor me” habit. Today, put it down as sin and rebellion, and then tomorrow, wake up with joy in your heart and home.”
Page 33
“If you have reason to be hurt or discouraged and yet you sing with thanksgiving, this is a true sacrifice of worship to God. “And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare his works with rejoicing” (Psalm 107:22)
Page 34
God’s Blueprint for Marriage
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Page 54
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18)
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3)
Wisdom in understanding your Man
“Men are not all the same. I have become aware that there are basically three types of men. The different types are just as marked in one-year-olds as they are in adult men. It seems that God made each male to express one side of his triad nature. No single man completely expresses the well-rounded image of God. If a man were all three types at the same time, he would be the perfect man, but I have never met, heard of, or read in a book of history or fiction of a man who is the proper balance of all three. Certainly Jesus was the perfect balance. Most men are a little of all three, but tend to be dominant in one. And all the training and experiences of life will never successfully make a man into a different type of man. There is nothing clumsier and more pathetic than a man trying to act differently from who he is. As we review the types, you will probably readily identify your husband and be able to see where you have been a curse or a blessing to him.”
Page 75
“Wisdom is knowing what you “bought” when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be. Men are not alike. Your husband most likely will not be like your father or brother or the man in your favorite romance novel. Our husbands are created in the image of God, and it takes all kinds of men to even come close to completing that image. No man is a perfect balance; if he were, he would be too divine to need you. God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the grace of life and become something more together than either one of them would ever be alone. If you fight your husband’s inadequacies or seek to be dominant where he is not, both of you will fail. If you love him and support him with his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow.”
Page 76
How our Reactions define us
“You can control your future reactions considerably by changing the way you think before you are pressed into a response. The way you think every day determines the way you feel, and it will determine how you will react in stressful situations.
Page 101
Researchers have determined that the average person thinks over 40,000 thoughts each day. The heart is filled with thoughts, and it is out of that reservoir of thoughts that the mouth speaks words of praise or bitterness. When the pressure is on, and the dam of reservation breaks loose, you cannot control what you say, because you will speak from the abundance of your heart- from the 40,000 thoughts you had that day, and all the days before. “A good Man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh” (Luke 6:45). If you, as a wife are going to change the way you have been speaking, it is not a matter of willpower; it is a matter of thought power. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (Prov. 23:7). As Paul says, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 2:5). You will be “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2), not by the strength of your will to hold your tongue. God tells you how to think about your role as wife and help meet. if you believe him, you will think differently.”
The difference in the nature of a man and a woman
“God knew that Satan was a liar and the master of deceit, so he created man to question first and believe later. Man’s objectivity and lack of intuitiveness make him appear less spiritual than the sensitive, believing female. As a general rule, man is ruled more by his mind than the female, who is governed more by her sensibilities.
Page 108
Picture God as deliberately creating the woman without this armor, because he intended for her to stand behind her husband’s armor. He was to be her covering, her shield, and her protector. Satan was able to deceive her when she left Adam’s side and confronted the devil’s logic alone. She didn’t have the armor to ward off his fiery darts of deceit.
God Designed the woman to be sensitive and vulnerable for the sake of the little ones whom she must nurture. The soul of a mother had to be vulnerable, the outer shell thin. She must be quick to feel, to hurt, to love, to have compassion, to take in the broken, and to believe the best. Vulnerability is a woman’s greatest natural asset and the point of her greatest weakness. A woman can become tough and hard, skeptical, and cautious in relationships, just like a man. She can become guarded and cynical, but in doing, she is no longer feminine, no longer attractive to a man, and she will even begin to not like herself.”
There are so many other quotes from the book that I could add but I’m going to stop there. In the book the author also breaks down all the characteristics of a wife spoken about in Titus chapter 2 and in Proverbs chapter 31. She also goes over when to obey and not to obey, remarriage, birth control, head coverings, learning to make an appeal to your husband, and being heirs together in the grace of life.
There are so many beautiful truths I’ve read in this book and I can feel the desperation for christian wives everywhere to learn what has been lost in our understanding of what it means to be a wife and Gods purpose for women. I hope you will all read it.